literature

Night-time Epiphany

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bobthedinosaur's avatar
Published:
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Literature Text

Walking down this warmth-filled street
with a wistful wind to guide my way
when a winding boulevard might intertwine
my avenue of weary wishes
or to blow away a foul waft
from a shrewd, withered will—
lest it wane away leaving me with
an alley awash in waxing shadowed blues
where only cold-construed views show
narrow walls scrawled with
the routes of a secluded soul—
I behold the wealth found
in the warm, wise wind
and in the warm streetlamps glow.
on life
© 2005 - 2024 bobthedinosaur
Comments8
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IfrozenspiritI's avatar
This is beautiful; a word-painting. What at first seems like an easy, natural flow is proven, after more concentrated readings, to be an impressive display of literary techniques: the few cases of internal rhyme and frequent use of alliteration are most noteworthy.

About that alliteration: while it's obviously intentional, I think it might become almost excessive, since you use that w sound almost constantly throughout the entire poem. In most cases I like it; however, I would try not to overuse it. A few times, I found myself getting distracted from the meaning of the poem by its auditory qualities. Things like alliteration should enhance a poem's meaning, never detract from it.

I found the imagery in these lines to be particularly powerful:
awash in waxing shadowed blues

narrow walls scrawled with
the routes of a secluded soul


One more thing:
in the warm, wise wind
and in the warm streetlamps glow.

I'm not sure I like this repetition of "warm" at the end, especially since you already used "warmth" at the beginning. Also, I think you meant "streetlamps'," or possibly "streetlamp's."

Overall, excellent job, and I should've looked at your poetry sooner. =D